BAMM!

 

Words we should all live by.

-Ashley Nichole

 

Yeeeeeeah.

Posted more eBay tonight. Better sell some of this stuff to make room for my new sewing machine! I've got a few ideas in my brain to create. Let's hope they turn out.

2012 has already begun to kick my ass.
Bring it on Dragon,
-Ashley Nichole

Roots.

All I wanted in life was a pony. I got a horse. 

All I wanted from life was a piece of pie. I got an entire bakery.

All I want from you, is everything. I know not of why or how it became; I'm sorry.

I find it funny to once think my parents, mainly my father to be perfect.

I thought he could do no wrong.

He could fix anything and everything.

He still can, but he's not perfect, he's a human being.

He hasn't changed, I've just grown up.

I've grown to see imperfections.

God, how horrible.

How horrible it is to be a human.

Oh, woah-is-me.

I know, I know.

2012 is going to be great!

I vow to blog everyday!

Hope you're ready for some randomness,

-Ashley Nichole

Family.

I never see you enough, but when I do I couldn't love you more.

-Ashley Nichole

Birth.day.

So tomorrow I will embark on another year of life.
There are a few things I would like to accomplish, there are things I'd like to embrace. For instance, this whole age thing; I can fight it all I want but it's inevitable. Year after year I will become older and older. (Wrinkles will occur and let's hope I keep the fat cells to a minimum.)
I will be 26 tomorrow. I will still be me, but better. I will be stronger and more adamant. I will try harder to get where I need to be in life, by my standards. I will not let peoples thoughts nor actions affect mine. I will take more time to help other people. I will accomplish my agenda, whatever it may be.

I will embrace this age thing. I will be proud of what I've done and where I've been.
It has made me who I am.
And I wouldn't be anyone else... but me.

Birth.day.
Standards.
Ashley Nichole

Child(ren).

I don't know why I feel like writing certain things at certain times, but it happens, like life.

To my child(ren) if I ever have any. 

Who am I?

Who am I to bring you into such uncertainty? I can only hold your hand for so long.

How will I tell you what it feels like to get your heart broken, multiple times again.

Why would I want to bring you into a world where you can feel so alive one day and the next your health may vanish and you are nothing to no one. 

How can I tell you everything will be alright, when I have no idea myself. 

How can I take proper care of you, if I don't exactly know 100% of how to take care of myself.

Dear child(ren), I want to tell you that life is beautiful, because in some ways it really is, but the dark is something that no one should ever have to feel.

It's so scary. 

The things people put them selves through. 

The pain and suffering. They're so scared and confused and lost, not to mention lonely.

They will do anything in their power to bring you down, don't let them.

Dear child(ren), I'm going to give you a few tips....

Be happy, no matter what. 

Focus on what makes you the happiest. 

Be who you are and never care about what anyone thinks of you. 

Always be polite and never take anyone for granted. 

Be honest. 

And although it may sound cheesy... If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

 Say please and thank you and be grateful for everything you're given. 

Respect your elders. 

Control your emotions, don't let them control you.

Laugh and do it often. 

Be a good friend. 

Remember, your body is a temple. 

Everything in moderation. 

When you fall in love, make sure you let that person know

 and, if it's real you won't need to play games. 

Alright, done being whatever it was I was feeling. 

Just scared for the future and for the children I'd like to raise.

(But you can't be afraid of things, you wouldn't get anywhere or be anyone.)

Don't let anything or anyone hold you back.

Life is wayyyyyyy too short,

-Ashley Nichole

Collection.

I bought a new piece for my collection. (Shhh, don't tell.)

Found here: Darios

Amzaing! And the site is super fun!

Love 'em,

Ashley Nichole

Today.

So every weekday I get a message from the Universe. I know, a little cheesy, but whatever.
This is the one I got today:

Ashley, what if I told you that your every conflict, disappointment, struggle or challenge, with others or yourself, was merely a manifestation of what's going on within your own thinking... would you go there first to fix, mend, and allay?

Yeah, you might miss the drama.
    The Universe

 Just thought I'd share.

E-bay is going up Tuesday night. EXCITED! I have so much stuff to sell its dumb. My office is maxed out! (Which makes me stressed out!)

I have 9 weeks to get a "beach body". What is that? A beach body?!?!

My mind is in 3,478,274,382,780 different projects,
Holiday crunch time...

Peace, Spiked punch and stilettos,
-Ashley Nichole

Not The Only One....

Today, after what seemed to be a rather lengthy hour and a half of Human Nutrition, I went to the library. But this wasn't any old day at the library. Today, I wanted answers.

I walked straight up to the little librarian with bright red lipstick and black framed glasses.

I walked up to her and she had no idea that she was about to help me figure my life out.

"Where are the Nietzsche books? Where is the philosophy section?" I said with little to no hesitation.

"Try the 169 N section." She said.

I ran.

I ran as fast as a person possibly could run with squeaky black leather boots on trying not to make a scene, could run.

And there....

There in the 169 N section I sat.

Plopped my sweet little ass on the ground, just staring at all the books around me.

"World Religion."

"I Can Read You Like a Book. How to Read Body Language."

"God."

"The Purpose Everyone is Searching For."

And all of a sudden I felt the most intense feeling overcome me.

A horrible anxiety took over my entire body and I began to cry.

No one around, not a soul, nothing but thousands of books.

So, I sat there for a while, a little long while.

Thinking.

And then it came to me. If there are all of these books and those books are here for a reason, I am not the only one who has felt like this. (Which is apparent, but if anyone.... you can't really say that nor reason with a young woman who has hormones raging thought her entire body!)

For hundreds, maybe even thousands of years, people have been asking the same question(s) I've been questioning.

So, after I pulled myself together I called the near and dear to me.

He answered, wondered why I was whispering.

"I'm in the library." I said, trying to keep my nose from running down my face.

"Ohhh." He said in a whisper. "I see." (Still whispering.)

And then I proceeded to ask him if he was making fun of me... You know, just to make sure he wasn't because now was not the time nor place to do such a thing.

I know it's normal to wonder. But why do some people wonder more than others? Why, lucky me, am I one of those? Being numb isn't all that bad, I mean I did it for almost a year. (No, no I didn't. That ladies and gentlemen is what we call depression.)  Why can't I always just think of rainbows and sunshine? I know, I know. So I can appreciate the other. But why the other? Why for every positive does there have to be a negative. (I know these answers. It's just better for all of us if I type them out.) For love, you have to have hate? God, that's awful. You're not supposed to hate anyone, but you have to, so you can love? All these things seem ass backwards to me. Whatever.

I'm here.

I get it.

Life goes on.

I'm still rainbows and sunshine,

with an occasional little black cloud.

Damned it.

-Ashley Nichole

Gigamesh - Red Light (Goldroom Remix) by Goldroom

FLAWS by BASTILLE



Presents.

A little something special for your earholes. BE CAREFUL! Some (all but one) of these are slightly aggressive!
(Click the link or play from soundcloud.)

Silver Swan- Secrets
Marina and the Diamonds-Obsessions Ocelot Remix mp3

OooO by Dreams.

Aviccii- ID (HQ Preview)

Joy Division - Shes Lost Control (Young Edits Voices In Her Edit) by Young Edits // Youth

AND last but certainly not least...
YOUTH LAGOON!!! Daydream (Perfect Lines remix)
I like to dance, in long dresses,
-Ashley Nichole

"Fuck."

I hate that word. "Fuck". It's rather disgusting, but right now, in the here and now, that is the only thing that comes to my mind. The rest is blank. Like a plain white piece of paper on a dark wooden desk. There's a girl sitting there,  pencil in hand, but all she can do is stare. Stare out the window to see the seasons change before her eyes. Reds, bright yellows and greens to browns, and then, they're gone. Just like the past. Everything changes all to often. Just like the seasons.

"Fuck."

-Ashley Nichole

Kitchen.

I liiike!

Taken From Country Living, although it doesn't seem very country.

Just give me that HUGE chandelier, damned it!

And that fridge, ahhww!

"WELCOME!"

It's as if all of a sudden, you wake up and you're an adult. 

"WELCOME!" 

Except, there's no one there to greet you.

Your parents don't call as much as they used to, (well, at least mine don't) you're paying bills for things you didn't even know you had to pay bills for and all in all your life seems a lot more complicated. (Yeah, okay I don't pay rent, whatever.) Not to mention the fact you're working at a 9-5 you don't really like and not getting paid as much as you thought you'd be. It's as if your parents dropped you off at daycare and never cared to pick you back up.

I don't really know where that train was going...

I need to eat right. My vitamin intake is lacking.

I don't feel normal. (I wish it were superpowers, but no.)

Benjamin Button in the flesh,

-Ashley Nichole

Seaside.

Click to listen: You Know You Like It.

Min klub først (SVENSKER remix) by SVENSKER
ANNDDDD....
W A S H I N G T O N.
From Australia. My girly calm go-to music.
Washington - High Treason by fromgotowhoa.com

And you wanted to be a princess, huh?

Where are they now?

Who?

Oh, "those" Disney girls?!?

Right here...

The fallen Princesses of Dina Goldstein.

Awesome.

-Ashley Nichole

And then....

"Logical—things don’t last. They tear, rot, rust and ruin. Materialism is a beast that always needs feeding. It’s scary, really. We can live our whole lives hoping for the next thing, getting it, tiring of it and pushing the hope ahead. It’s a nasty accumulation cycle. The lesson is clear: refuse to treasure things that can’t love. Things can entertain you, clothe you and transport you, but they can’t love you."

That little snibit was taken from here, 4 principles to survive adulthood .

Things you knew but sometimes forget.

-Ashley Nichole

Passion.

I think I've found a new passion. (I say I think, because if you know me well enough, you know I change my mind more often than not.) This new passion would be letter writing. I love sending people things in the mail be it cards, postcards, letters, etc. I love this because I know I get excited whenever I get something in the mail, and it's just not another bill. "Woohoo, someones thinking about me!" People like to be thought about, tis true. People like to be thought about in a positive way. Also, I like things to be personable, e-mails, not so much. Going forward, I'll keep writing and creating these cards and letters, because it's fun and also semi-meditation like. I light a bunch of candles around my house, put on my favorite record and just let go.
I'd like your address too, yes, you!
You can e-mail it here: a.n.thomas@live.com
Go though your daily rituals and wallah, a magical little letter will appear in your mailbox. How nice it feels to open a letter, just as long as you don't get a paper-cut!

You've got mail,
-Ashley Nichole

Thoughts.

"And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. " -Kahlil Gibran

ADHD.

<3

Again, I should be studying.

(This is way more fun!)

Love,

Ashley Nichole

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down... or do we?

When I use the word "fall", I think of two things. "Fall" as in: I fell over second base in kickball and skinned my knee. Or I think of falling in love. Oh, love. Just me and him.
But what about falling as in the dealings of life? The world is going to keep spinning, like it or not. If we find our lives not to be , humm what's the word? Not up to standard we'll say, in which we pictured, we start to fall out of our lives and into the deep, dark, bottomless pit. A pit of waste. Sometimes, for me, it feels like I'll never see the light again.
And I think, is this it?
I'm in hell aren't I?
Funny joke, God! I always thought you'd have more in store for me.
(And this is where another part of me kicks in and tell me tis my fault for not traveling in the direction of my dreams.)
Why must we have goals, dreams and all those other silly things people love to fabricate?
The majority of people only want to be famous because of the $$$. Is that it? Is that all life is worth? There's more, I know there is.
I will not, can not keep falling.
I can't look at my life as a little black cloud any longer. I don't know why I'm so bothered by this right now. Wait! Yes, why yes I do. It's because I'm 2_ and I'm back in school. For some reason that really bothers me. It's really wearing on me.
Cue little black cloud...
When will my real life start?
You idiot!!!
This is real life and it started 20 something years ago!!!

Shit, that's right!!

Gott'a run,
-Ashley Nichole