A new day.

I used to think this: Not anymore.

I don't mean to close the door,

but for the record my heart is sore.
You blew through me like bullet holes.
You left me broke down begging for change.
Another western vampire,
different time same place.
Rain much deeper than a river,
Sorrow flow through me; tiny waves of shivers.
Corny movies make me reminisce.
They break me down easy on this generic love ship.

-Parts from Cocorosie.

Millionyoung.

Love it. Love his music. Millionyoung, you are good for my soul.
Soft Denial
That is all.

-Ashley Nichole

Karma.

I bought a kitten, her name is Karma. Today, she was being a bitch. Jumped out of my purse and under the car and it took 20 mins to get her. Maybe she won't travel anymore.

State exam today at 3:30. Can't wait to get. it. over. with!

I need to unpack. I think I'll do that this weekend, my liver needs a break.

-Ashley Nichole

Hate.

First all my friends need to follow Chyleina. Welcome her to the blog world. (And that is not something I hate, I will explode here in about 3.7 seconds.....)

ALRIGHT. I really, honestly hate you. Like I said the first time when we were laying in bed and you told me all that shit that just totally broke me. I don't know why this hit me all of a sudden today, but it did. Maybe because I actually thought about calling you and seeing what was up in your life. God, what the hell was I thinking? What was I thinking when I decided to be with you? Why then, all of a sudden did I think I actually needed you in my life? I didn't. But I had just lost the person who loved me no matter what. My grandma was my everything, and with her gone I felt nothing. I was numb. I lost all sense of direction.

You wondered why I never came out to see you until then. You wondered why I would always "flake out". I didn't want to be with you. I didn't have feelings for you like that. I gave you a chance and I knew I was only going to hurt myself. I knew I didn't love you. I loved the thought of you. I got sucked in and fell so hard for you. And I started to believe you....

I thought that the words that you spoke actually had depth. I actually believed everything you said. What fucking sucks the most is I lost you as a "friend". I lost my music partner, I lost the person that could talk to me about life and know where I was coming from. I lost all the good times we had together because I can only think about how fucking bad it sucks for you to have fucked me over like you did. Didn't you know that what you were doing was going to hurt me? Didn't you know I'm not like her and I would NEVER come back? But I know you didn't care what I thought. You didn't think about how you were going to hurt me. Your so fuuny. For being so smart your such an idiot. You are that selfish. And you will end up being that sad. Not like the waahhh I'm a baby sad, (ha) but sad. You'll see. You know I'm a smart girl. Case and point, you never were  my friend. Just like how you taught yourself to erase feelings, I'm teaching myself to make you vanish.

You want to know what hurts me the most? One day when I was really sad crying on the couch you came over to me and said.... "Even if I turn out to be the biggest asshole, you'll be fine without me." You told me I was smart and that I was one of the coolest girls you knew. You knew what you were doing....

I hate you, more than I've ever hated anyone in my life.

And I don't hate people. I'm a humanist, remember?


-Ashley Nichole

And I jumped...

I could of taken the easy way out and moved in with my parents. I could of taken the easy way out and moved in with a friend, but no. I moved into my house. My poor little house that hasn't had any love in it in 21 years. That's when we moved out 21 years ago. That's when my parents decided it was time for something new. And here I am in the house where my parents brought me home from the hospital. Where they were so in love it was sickning. And here I am, little me. On my own, scared as shit, but I'm doing it. I'm growing. I'm remodeling and wiping away the dust. Oh life. I'm thankful for all of it. I'm actually really spoiled in a weird sort of way. It's how you look at life. It's how you think you want your life to be. I think everyday that I'm really lucky. I'm very blessed. And you should too. Take it all in.

LOVE THIS MIX!   Puts me in the best mood.

My feet are dirty. My mind is clean.
I have a test tomorrow, I should be studying.
Instead I'm making soap.
I need to get cupcakes for class tomorrow as well,
I hate most of those bitches in my class they can go to hell.
I'm oh so tired but I know I won't be able to sleep,
Wish my last boyfriend wasn't such a creep.
I love my life, you should love yours too.
Gott'a go, got lots to do

-Ashley Nichole