Hate.

First all my friends need to follow Chyleina. Welcome her to the blog world. (And that is not something I hate, I will explode here in about 3.7 seconds.....)

ALRIGHT. I really, honestly hate you. Like I said the first time when we were laying in bed and you told me all that shit that just totally broke me. I don't know why this hit me all of a sudden today, but it did. Maybe because I actually thought about calling you and seeing what was up in your life. God, what the hell was I thinking? What was I thinking when I decided to be with you? Why then, all of a sudden did I think I actually needed you in my life? I didn't. But I had just lost the person who loved me no matter what. My grandma was my everything, and with her gone I felt nothing. I was numb. I lost all sense of direction.

You wondered why I never came out to see you until then. You wondered why I would always "flake out". I didn't want to be with you. I didn't have feelings for you like that. I gave you a chance and I knew I was only going to hurt myself. I knew I didn't love you. I loved the thought of you. I got sucked in and fell so hard for you. And I started to believe you....

I thought that the words that you spoke actually had depth. I actually believed everything you said. What fucking sucks the most is I lost you as a "friend". I lost my music partner, I lost the person that could talk to me about life and know where I was coming from. I lost all the good times we had together because I can only think about how fucking bad it sucks for you to have fucked me over like you did. Didn't you know that what you were doing was going to hurt me? Didn't you know I'm not like her and I would NEVER come back? But I know you didn't care what I thought. You didn't think about how you were going to hurt me. Your so fuuny. For being so smart your such an idiot. You are that selfish. And you will end up being that sad. Not like the waahhh I'm a baby sad, (ha) but sad. You'll see. You know I'm a smart girl. Case and point, you never were  my friend. Just like how you taught yourself to erase feelings, I'm teaching myself to make you vanish.

You want to know what hurts me the most? One day when I was really sad crying on the couch you came over to me and said.... "Even if I turn out to be the biggest asshole, you'll be fine without me." You told me I was smart and that I was one of the coolest girls you knew. You knew what you were doing....

I hate you, more than I've ever hated anyone in my life.

And I don't hate people. I'm a humanist, remember?


-Ashley Nichole