And I find myself.

And then I lose it again. I'm super organized, then I find myself all a clutter. I'm running full speed, then I find myself at a snails pace. Please self find a happy medium. For your own sake. Self, why must you confuse what should be easy. Why must you question everything? And see, there I go... another question.

I got this e-mail tonight talking about wants. Wants as in what I want for my life. It said something along the lines of having to write for 15 minutes non-stop about what you want in and for your life. Well, here I go. Bare with me...      I want to be amazing. I want my life and the things and people in it to be simple. I want what's right. I want something real that's not forced. I want to explore my creativity. I want to dance. I always want my best friends around me and I want them to always be happy. I want to travel the world. I want to have babies someday with an amazing man. I want my children to be the happiest little things on earth. I want my parents to live forever. I want Spin to tell me why he is such a dick to me. I want to forget about him. I want to be young forever. I want my house to be finished and not look like it's about to fall over. I want all the fake people out of my life. I always want to be nice. I want to always shower people with love, even when they don't deserve it. I want to not want, because I pretty much have everything a simple person could ask for. I want, to be loved unconditionally.

Alright that wasn't the full time, apparently the list would be a lot longer.Felt good.

There's some real drama going on with my sister. People trying to kill her. They put 3 rounds in my dads house. Normal. NOT AT ALL. What the hell. We were raised so much better than to hang-out with people like that. We live back in the woods in a nice quite neighborhood. This should not be happening. I'm scared for my parents. I'm scared for her.

My phone totally died. Just got a new one, Wal-Mart special. 20 bucks. Looks like it's from 19dickety-two. I have an upgrade in a month so I'll have to deal with this one for a bit. I'll survive. I need numbers.

My fashion and music post is in hold, I need to get together something good. Really good.
Night. Victoria's Secret at 7 a.m.

I don't want to love you,
-Ashley Nichole