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To Be Or Not To Be

To be or not to be? That's not the question, really. More or less the answer.

You're living and unless you want to end that, (in which I don't recommend) I suggest you confess your sins. Confessing your sins not in the way of religion parse, but more or less to yourself.

It is horribly hard to be honest with ones self. Truly, it is. To dig deep and muster up emotions, thoughts and feelings of the past or what one wants from the future can be a painful process. 

Once a person is able to dig deep they are able to open a door in which they did not know existed.

*Be open and honest with yourself!
Are you happy? If you are and it's true happiness, that's amazing and congratulations because you're worth it! If you aren't happy what or who is holding you back? No one should keep you from being happy. If you're unhappy because you're not with a person, grow some balls. They must not be there for a reason and maybe that reason is unknown but you can steer your life into happiness.

*Be comfortable in your own skin!
I can't put into words how important that is for people to be able to accept themselves for who they really are. I can tell you from personal experience that once you reach you, the real you, the 110% person that you can possibly be; life will flow better. That's a weird word to use in dealing with life, but it's true. I mean there are setbacks and challenges that make your head spin but nothing that you can't handle. You will never be liked and admired by everyone you meet and that's not a negative thing. It helps you grow. It helps you know who you are, what you like in people and what you don't like. If every single person on this planet liked each other...think how boring life would be. I mean borrriinngggg! Conflict is not a bad thing. Conflict is bad when people are close minded and shut off to new ideas but conflict that leads to new ideas and growth are great! Don't be so set in your ways that it turns people off. What? Are you 90?!?

*Trust people!
This world is ours for the taking and we only get one shot at life. As corny as it sounds it is true.
Why not trust people? Why not give someone 110% of you? You may have gotten burned before and I'm not saying throw yourself in the fire, I mean make some what of an educated guess before skating on the pond in the winter!!! People will surprise you in good and bad ways. Trust people! It is so important for the self to be able to trust. Regardless of the past be in the present!

*Be positive!
Like attracts like so if you think positive, positive things are bound to happen. Again, sounds corny but tis true! Optimistic outlooks always win.

2013 is going to be an amazing year, I feel it.

I feel I am me and that is a feeling unlike no other.

I am happy to be in the lives of people surrounding me.

-Ashley Nichole

Baby.

"oooohhhhhh!"

I love him, baby Beckett.

http://soundcloud.com/valentinokhan/kreayshawn-go-hard-valentino-khan-remix

Title.

    Here we are again in a different time and space. I just spent the entire weekend studying so that I could get an A on this chem test, and you know what? I have that super excited feeling inside that I did just that. Let me tell you how hard it is to be super disciplined to stay at home while all of your friends are at the plaza art fair, or out relaxing having a grand old time just shooting the shit. IT FEELS TERRIBLE to be inside reading a book that I have little to no understanding of, but I did it. I grasped those damned concepts and equations.
IN YO FACE, self!

    I haven't written much, for a few reasons. I felt like I was lacking in creativity. I have way to much h.w. for a normal human being or so it feels. I also stopped writing because I just didn't want to. Just after feeling discouraged about writing I read an info-graphic about being a good writer. It said that good writers read a lot. Good writers write about EVERYTHING. It said that you should write about doing everyday things that way you learn to make your writing interesting no matter what the topic. I liiiiike it. I can do that.
(Another thing. I hate titling things. Knowing that one word could make or break if someone is interested in reading what you write. So maybe I just won't title what I write?!) I know my writing skill are nothing that of a Ivy league English major (is the "i" supposed to be caps? See what I mean!!!), but I do love writing. There's nothing better than loving something you like to do.

    I have collected a whole slew of awesome things from my picking this past month. I should probably stop collecting things though. I should start selling them. I have a house to myself and it's getting rather full. (But full of awesomeness!) I found an oriental rug Friday that I HAD to have. So I got it. I got it for next to nothing. My mother says I should start my own booth at an antique store, I don't feel like I have the time.

Good grades= better placement at the school I want, better chances at scholarships and all in all better knowledge of the subjects so I can be the best nurse possible.

    I wish that I was this driven when I was younger, but it didn't happen that way. I am glad I got the past out of the way. I couldn't be happier to be where I am now with the people I'm with. I have the greatest friends surrounding me with support and encouragement I need to finish school. Not to mention the most amazing man by my side being patent and understanding. My heart is filled with hope, passion and love, the worry that it was once filled with has subsided.

Off to chem lab I go!
Ashley Nichole Thomas

New tastes for your ears...
Zedd- Spectrum
Cyril- Say My Name

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow I embark on another journey.
Tomorrow I start a 7 day detox. I am not alone on this journey, I have a few friends joining.
Tomorrow is the start of:
NO:
*Meat
*Gluten
*Dairy
*Caffeine
*Alcohol
and negative thoughts or actions.
I'd like to live my life thinking that I try hard to give people the benefit of the doubt, but starting tomorrow I will try my hardest to live from the present on-ward. I feel that I'm taking a step in the right direction with this detox. It will take a lot of self control and consciousness, but I'm willing to give it my all.

I finished THE ALCHEMIST this weekend. It was rather easy to read. With only 180 something pages I was quite disappointed when it came to an end. Being 1 of the 5 summer books, I'd say I'm off to a good start with a great read.

We took a jug across to STL this weekend. I must say I had some of the most delicious food and drink a person could ask for; which is great considering I'm giving up a lot of that this week. Coming back home from a trip always feels nice. You're welcomed by the familiarity of your home, people, and places around you.  I needed this trip. Although it was very last minute and only 2.5 days long it helped me gain insight into myself and the world around me. It's such a refreshing feeling to re-learn things had once forgotten.

I am small, but for every action there is a reaction. My small action could effect something or someone in a much larger way than I'd even anticipate. So watch what you say and how you say it. Watch what you do and how you do it.

I'd like to encourage giving strangers compliments. Give 3 a day, and mean what you say.
It's amazing how it can make you feel.

Here goes nothing,
Ashley Nichole

Move. Me.

I have to feel

I have to be 

             moved

I hear you

Sometimes I feel you in my dreams. Haunting, creeping around like a thief in the night.

You only want one thing,

Me.

I can destroy you. You know I know how.

No one else holds that power, you've never let them.

I was worth it, I was worth the complexity of it all.

You lost it. You fucking lost all of it.

Your mind.

Your sanity. The thing that kept you most grounded,

Me.

Drifting aimlessly. Showered in sheer unintelligent conversation.

Fake follows you. Unavoidable.

You feel it now.

I'm sorry.

I hate to make you think of things that you avoid. 

I'm sorry to bring you back to reality.

I won,

You've never lost.

Never again will you make that mistake,
because

you can't.

And then some.

Is your life how you want it?
Yes?
 No?
If not, how can you make it exactly what you want?
Think about it.
Think about what you want= the positives, they'll drive you home.
Think about where you've been. All the amazing places you never thought you'd go, all the people you never though you'd meet. Think of all the assholes you had to triumph over and how good it felt to reach your goal.
Think about all the people you've shocked with your great will power for the good.
And then think about how much you've grown. All the mistakes you've made, but have learned from.

Life is one crazy ride. With all the struggles, people, and emotions that we're faced with everyday. Be thankful to be where you are. For if it wasn't for all of those things in your life it wouldn't be worth living.

Here's a shout-out to the good people.
The people who strive to be their best. Here's a shout out to the people who put others first. The selfless. The honest and trust worthy. The people who try their hardest to not be hypocrites. Here's to the people who don't nay-say. Here's to the people that will stand behind their friends through the good, bad and the horrible times.
To the few good people on the planet: I know you're out there. I believe. I believe because I know a few, but they just don't make 'em like they used to. (As my grandma would have said.)

FASHIONSNACKS store update!
I sold the vintage Gucci "Flora" Scarf that I found for 25 cents and turned it into $50!
BUT the Jackie-O RayBan sunglasses I found were chewed upon by the little dog I was sitting last weekend.
NO big deal, I'll use those for the lake/float trips.

The last big sale I had I made a profit of $700 in which was spent in a week on who knows what.
More clothes I think, and maybe food. I love this hobby. If I try really hard and find a lot of things this summer I might be able to quit my job come fall. THAT WOULD BE AMAZING! If I could only work for myself.

Summer budgettttttt where are youuuu?

Cheers,
Ashley Nichole


 

 

Doors that open, doors that close.

There are doors in life that are closed, closed for a reason and maybe a reason unknown.
KEEP THEM CLOSED!

Then there are doors that open, unknowing of what they might bring.
ACCEPT THEM!

Accept things that come your way. You can have a pity party all your life and push positive things away but that will get you nowhere. Know that you are unique and accept that, regardless of the things that have happen in your past. Learn from them. Strive to be an optimistic person, better than who you were yesterday.
    I'm not saying to never be pessimistic because there is a time and place for that but it shouldn't consume your life. It's unhealthy and nothing good can come of it. I PROMISE. Like attracts like.
I know, I know, easier said than done but start small. Start believing in yourself.

If you want to loose weight remind yourself that it doesn't happen over night.
If you want to get better grades remind yourself that it takes a lot of hard work and studying.

Nothing you every really want will be easy, because if it was easy,  you wouldn't want it.

Think about it,
-Ashley Nichole

Kitchen Aid, my mixer.

For as long as people have been getting married I feel that Kitchen Aid mixers have been given as gifts.
No?!
I've wanted one for a very long while but I'm in no rush to get married.
Here's the story of how I got mine....

Ryan's neighbors were moving and said we could have anything in their house.
His roommates had said something about a mixer being in the kitchen and I was determined to get my little hands on that bad boy.
So, on St. Patrick's day I woke up at 8 am and ran next door. I got Ryan a camera and a ton of yarn, material... You know things we really need. Ahhem.
So I go in the kitchen, I wanted to cry. Not only was it rather pathetically disgusting but there was nothing in there! Not a damned thing.
I started to leave when I looked to the left and saw that the dining room was covered in boxes.... And there she was, my perfectly grotesque, neglected mixer. 
Before you knew it I was on the front porch with a bottle of Spic and Span scrubbing my heart out.

My little mixer has a home now. She beams white with sterilization and joy to be finally appreciated again. Booohhhyaaaa grandma! I got the damned mixer I've been dreaming of.
So I guess that's what you have to do. Focus on things you really want. I know this is a rather petty example but it's an example. It may have not come in a box with lots of Styrofoam to clog up the landfills, but it's mine.Visualize what you want, clearly. You will get it, maybe not in the exact form of how you imagined it, but you will get it.
 Hence your life.....!!!!

I hope this is soaking through....
-Ashley Nichole

And P.S. there's nothing wrong with going out and spending $300+ dollars on one of these if you have the money, but I wouldn't recommend it. Get married and put it on your registry.

For fuck sake....

I don’t understand some people.

 Wait, let me narrow that down...

I don’t understand lazy people. 

Do you realize that the time you are wasting could be using to make a difference? 

Did you know that the time you're wasting could be used to better yourself by making money? 

OR

DID YOU KNOW the time you're wasting you’ll never get back?!!?

I’m all about having fun & having a good time but you’ve had the past 20 something years to dick around. 

Let’s get serious. 

Let’s get this ball rolling! 

Yeah, I used the "F" word.

-Ashley Nichole

The nose knows.

I can't smell a damned thing, thus meaning I can't taste anything either.
This sinus infection/ear infection is horrible. I've been ill for a week now.
Oh what I'd do to feel "normal" again!
My house looks like a tornado went through it, my motor skills are slow and I can't study because my brain throbs!
And my dearest blog, I've given into Tumblr. I know, I'm sorry. It's just so easy to find inspiring photos.
And unlike Pintrest in lacking originality, people post a lot of their own paintings and what not.
So I'm sorry. You're almost like xanga now.

Alright, time to study.

"Define- Power of the Purse."

Oh lord.
-Ashley Nichole

BAMM!

 

Words we should all live by.

-Ashley Nichole

 

Yeeeeeeah.

Posted more eBay tonight. Better sell some of this stuff to make room for my new sewing machine! I've got a few ideas in my brain to create. Let's hope they turn out.

2012 has already begun to kick my ass.
Bring it on Dragon,
-Ashley Nichole

Roots.

All I wanted in life was a pony. I got a horse. 

All I wanted from life was a piece of pie. I got an entire bakery.

All I want from you, is everything. I know not of why or how it became; I'm sorry.

I find it funny to once think my parents, mainly my father to be perfect.

I thought he could do no wrong.

He could fix anything and everything.

He still can, but he's not perfect, he's a human being.

He hasn't changed, I've just grown up.

I've grown to see imperfections.

God, how horrible.

How horrible it is to be a human.

Oh, woah-is-me.

I know, I know.

2012 is going to be great!

I vow to blog everyday!

Hope you're ready for some randomness,

-Ashley Nichole

Family.

I never see you enough, but when I do I couldn't love you more.

-Ashley Nichole

Birth.day.

So tomorrow I will embark on another year of life.
There are a few things I would like to accomplish, there are things I'd like to embrace. For instance, this whole age thing; I can fight it all I want but it's inevitable. Year after year I will become older and older. (Wrinkles will occur and let's hope I keep the fat cells to a minimum.)
I will be 26 tomorrow. I will still be me, but better. I will be stronger and more adamant. I will try harder to get where I need to be in life, by my standards. I will not let peoples thoughts nor actions affect mine. I will take more time to help other people. I will accomplish my agenda, whatever it may be.

I will embrace this age thing. I will be proud of what I've done and where I've been.
It has made me who I am.
And I wouldn't be anyone else... but me.

Birth.day.
Standards.
Ashley Nichole

Child(ren).

I don't know why I feel like writing certain things at certain times, but it happens, like life.

To my child(ren) if I ever have any. 

Who am I?

Who am I to bring you into such uncertainty? I can only hold your hand for so long.

How will I tell you what it feels like to get your heart broken, multiple times again.

Why would I want to bring you into a world where you can feel so alive one day and the next your health may vanish and you are nothing to no one. 

How can I tell you everything will be alright, when I have no idea myself. 

How can I take proper care of you, if I don't exactly know 100% of how to take care of myself.

Dear child(ren), I want to tell you that life is beautiful, because in some ways it really is, but the dark is something that no one should ever have to feel.

It's so scary. 

The things people put them selves through. 

The pain and suffering. They're so scared and confused and lost, not to mention lonely.

They will do anything in their power to bring you down, don't let them.

Dear child(ren), I'm going to give you a few tips....

Be happy, no matter what. 

Focus on what makes you the happiest. 

Be who you are and never care about what anyone thinks of you. 

Always be polite and never take anyone for granted. 

Be honest. 

And although it may sound cheesy... If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

 Say please and thank you and be grateful for everything you're given. 

Respect your elders. 

Control your emotions, don't let them control you.

Laugh and do it often. 

Be a good friend. 

Remember, your body is a temple. 

Everything in moderation. 

When you fall in love, make sure you let that person know

 and, if it's real you won't need to play games. 

Alright, done being whatever it was I was feeling. 

Just scared for the future and for the children I'd like to raise.

(But you can't be afraid of things, you wouldn't get anywhere or be anyone.)

Don't let anything or anyone hold you back.

Life is wayyyyyyy too short,

-Ashley Nichole

Collection.

I bought a new piece for my collection. (Shhh, don't tell.)

Found here: Darios

Amzaing! And the site is super fun!

Love 'em,

Ashley Nichole

Today.

So every weekday I get a message from the Universe. I know, a little cheesy, but whatever.
This is the one I got today:

Ashley, what if I told you that your every conflict, disappointment, struggle or challenge, with others or yourself, was merely a manifestation of what's going on within your own thinking... would you go there first to fix, mend, and allay?

Yeah, you might miss the drama.
    The Universe

 Just thought I'd share.

E-bay is going up Tuesday night. EXCITED! I have so much stuff to sell its dumb. My office is maxed out! (Which makes me stressed out!)

I have 9 weeks to get a "beach body". What is that? A beach body?!?!

My mind is in 3,478,274,382,780 different projects,
Holiday crunch time...

Peace, Spiked punch and stilettos,
-Ashley Nichole

Not The Only One....

Today, after what seemed to be a rather lengthy hour and a half of Human Nutrition, I went to the library. But this wasn't any old day at the library. Today, I wanted answers.

I walked straight up to the little librarian with bright red lipstick and black framed glasses.

I walked up to her and she had no idea that she was about to help me figure my life out.

"Where are the Nietzsche books? Where is the philosophy section?" I said with little to no hesitation.

"Try the 169 N section." She said.

I ran.

I ran as fast as a person possibly could run with squeaky black leather boots on trying not to make a scene, could run.

And there....

There in the 169 N section I sat.

Plopped my sweet little ass on the ground, just staring at all the books around me.

"World Religion."

"I Can Read You Like a Book. How to Read Body Language."

"God."

"The Purpose Everyone is Searching For."

And all of a sudden I felt the most intense feeling overcome me.

A horrible anxiety took over my entire body and I began to cry.

No one around, not a soul, nothing but thousands of books.

So, I sat there for a while, a little long while.

Thinking.

And then it came to me. If there are all of these books and those books are here for a reason, I am not the only one who has felt like this. (Which is apparent, but if anyone.... you can't really say that nor reason with a young woman who has hormones raging thought her entire body!)

For hundreds, maybe even thousands of years, people have been asking the same question(s) I've been questioning.

So, after I pulled myself together I called the near and dear to me.

He answered, wondered why I was whispering.

"I'm in the library." I said, trying to keep my nose from running down my face.

"Ohhh." He said in a whisper. "I see." (Still whispering.)

And then I proceeded to ask him if he was making fun of me... You know, just to make sure he wasn't because now was not the time nor place to do such a thing.

I know it's normal to wonder. But why do some people wonder more than others? Why, lucky me, am I one of those? Being numb isn't all that bad, I mean I did it for almost a year. (No, no I didn't. That ladies and gentlemen is what we call depression.)  Why can't I always just think of rainbows and sunshine? I know, I know. So I can appreciate the other. But why the other? Why for every positive does there have to be a negative. (I know these answers. It's just better for all of us if I type them out.) For love, you have to have hate? God, that's awful. You're not supposed to hate anyone, but you have to, so you can love? All these things seem ass backwards to me. Whatever.

I'm here.

I get it.

Life goes on.

I'm still rainbows and sunshine,

with an occasional little black cloud.

Damned it.

-Ashley Nichole

Gigamesh - Red Light (Goldroom Remix) by Goldroom

FLAWS by BASTILLE