You're my....

Cupcake! We just made carrot cake cupcakes and cream cheese icing! No box mix. Yeahhhhhh, I love cooking.

Time for some sleep.

I've got a busy day tomorrow. Photo shoot for Envy boutique out in Kansas, hope they have some cute clothes. (None of that rhinestone shit. Eh.)

Evil never wins.
Why do you think the good guy always gets the girl?

-Ashley Nichole

Sweet summer nights that turn into days....

This weekend was a blast. So maybe it was actually longer than a "weekend" should be but hey you're only young for so long. Danced at Brosaic, danced at the Jones, got all dressed up and danced again, went on a picnic downtown, ran around with no shoes on, visited the Liberty memorial and took night pictures, stayed up way too early and slept in way too late, picked up free stuff from a garage sale, cooked hot dogs, went on a "coffee run", ate cookies and YouTubed karaoke in the very early morning.


Don't watch the video, just listen.

"I wanna be with you everywhere."
Yeah, I do.
-Ashley NIchole

I miss my Mal.

Oh how I miss her so. Going to go camping hopefully in August with all of my Texas friends! Yeeeehaaa.

Tonight we're going to dance. I'm excited.
-Ashley Nichole

If my life is mine... Then what shouldn't I do?!

I broken rules. I've broken hearts but hey, who hasn't? I can't feel bad for the things in my past. If I worry so much about those I'd never be able to focus on the present or better yet the future.

Went on a float trip this past weekend. Met a man who lived down there, he told us to call him Peg... And yes, he had a peg-leg. He told me how to get rid of my raccoon. He also told us about his wife, but never about how he lost his leg... I'm still curious.

Last Thursday night I did a photo shoot for GLOW. It was awesome. I was haute pink, with fairy wings and my face paint looked like Lady Gaga's stylist had gotten a hold of me. I had white tool wrapped around me and GLOWED under the black light like crazy. On my way home at about 2:30 in the am I get pulled over. I was so tired and just wanted to get some good sleep before I left for our float trip in the morning. This is the officer... "What in the hell?" Hahaha. I knew I was going to get some reaction like that. I tell him what I was doing and where I came from and all that good jazzzzz. Literally 10 minutes pass and ANOTHER officer comes up to my window..."Can I get your address?" I mean really I know what's going on I can hear you assholes laughing every time you open the car door. Needless to say I didn't get a ticket for doing 55 in a 25, I got a ticket for failing to yield to an emergency vehicle. He said he had to call in a pursuit because he didn't think I was going to stop. Ha, that would of been great... surrounded by multiple cop cars and I get out all painted wearing some fairy wings, a bathing suit top and a tool bottom. Talk about a story to go down in the books.

Now, now I have a migraine that has lasted me from last night until now and I feel like I'm going to throw up. This hasn't happen in a very long time. Eh, maybe 7 years. It sucks when it happens. I think it's my body's way of telling me to lay off the booze. That float trip really did me in, considering I had really drank like that in a very loonngggg while.

This week is do or die. I have to finish the painting in my house. I have to. I'm going to remodel my bathroom, by myself. Fingers crossed.

I still haven't turned on the a.c.

Goooo me!
-Ashley Nichole

To: You

Somewhere ouuuuttttt there....
This is your song. 
It makes me happy. I know it will make you happy too.

Washing LOADS of clothes. Getting ready for this weekend.
Cleaning house and still painting.
(And I swear if this raccoon doesn't leave my house soon... I'm going to go crazy. He wakes me up at 3 am when he leaves and then has at party when the sun comes up at 5! Sorry sir but my house is only big enough for me!)

I drank some tea before I went to bed last night, and I took a 5 hour nap. Needless to say I didn't need/get much sleep. I need to take a shower, I want to play in the sprinkler. Needs before wants I guess. That's what growing up is all about. Ya, ya whatever.

The week of the 4th was fun. Hung out with my dad. Happy Holidays, he got me new tires and an oil change! Woohooo. Later traveled to the far away land to Court and Eric's. Rode pit bikes around and had my own pyrotechnic show. Then, continued my journey to Heidi's where we watched lots of "happiness" and had a dance party.

I ate beets today, they weren't as good as I remember. Damn it.
-Ashley Nichole

Kids say the dandiest things...

Found this video. Made me laugh, then it pretty much freaked me out.



I told you.

He said...Bye. She said... HI!!!

Yesterday was fun. I thought we would go swimming at the Jones but we never made it there. Instead we went to Tea Drops and got some boba tea and a cupcake. Went to a park that over looks the west bottoms, it started to pour. The sky was angry and down it came. Cupcake icing everywhere, in my hair, on your nose and all over our hands.
And you kissed me in the rain.
It was refreshing. It gave me hope. It reminded me that you never gave up on me. You never took a step-back, you told me it would be okay. And it is. You're amazing in many ways. I like how we go to gatherings, be social for a while but then you always want to go spend time alone and talk. I like how we both love nature and camping. I like how we fell asleep last night sitting up because I didn't feel good. I like that we fell asleep to Madonna's Truth or Dare tour biography. (It made me like her even more.) I like that we give each other space. I like how absolutely retarded we can be around each other. I like that we're innocent together. It's like when I was little and liked a boy, we never talked about it we just beat each other up. (Metaphorically speaking.) I don't know where this is going or what this is but what I can tell you is, I like it.

To be continued.
-Ashley Nichole

.Missed connection.

Oh well.

Life is great.

"Moats and boats and waterfalls,

Alley-ways and pay phone calls,

I've been everywhere with you."

(Thanks Tucker.)

I'm going to enjoy my life.

So you can suck it and talk the nasty little talk.

Does being rude make you feel better? Apparently.

Guess what? You sound like an old hag with nothing better to do with your life. 

Just saying.

-Love-

-Ashley Nichole

To you:

I feel horrible.

I'm so sorry. You know who you are.

Hot Chip - I Feel Better

For the week, THIS is my song: Pretty much sums it up.
(Don't mind the video. lol.)

This has been an amazing summer so far. AND IT'S NOT OVER YET!

And I find myself.

And then I lose it again. I'm super organized, then I find myself all a clutter. I'm running full speed, then I find myself at a snails pace. Please self find a happy medium. For your own sake. Self, why must you confuse what should be easy. Why must you question everything? And see, there I go... another question.

I got this e-mail tonight talking about wants. Wants as in what I want for my life. It said something along the lines of having to write for 15 minutes non-stop about what you want in and for your life. Well, here I go. Bare with me...      I want to be amazing. I want my life and the things and people in it to be simple. I want what's right. I want something real that's not forced. I want to explore my creativity. I want to dance. I always want my best friends around me and I want them to always be happy. I want to travel the world. I want to have babies someday with an amazing man. I want my children to be the happiest little things on earth. I want my parents to live forever. I want Spin to tell me why he is such a dick to me. I want to forget about him. I want to be young forever. I want my house to be finished and not look like it's about to fall over. I want all the fake people out of my life. I always want to be nice. I want to always shower people with love, even when they don't deserve it. I want to not want, because I pretty much have everything a simple person could ask for. I want, to be loved unconditionally.

Alright that wasn't the full time, apparently the list would be a lot longer.Felt good.

There's some real drama going on with my sister. People trying to kill her. They put 3 rounds in my dads house. Normal. NOT AT ALL. What the hell. We were raised so much better than to hang-out with people like that. We live back in the woods in a nice quite neighborhood. This should not be happening. I'm scared for my parents. I'm scared for her.

My phone totally died. Just got a new one, Wal-Mart special. 20 bucks. Looks like it's from 19dickety-two. I have an upgrade in a month so I'll have to deal with this one for a bit. I'll survive. I need numbers.

My fashion and music post is in hold, I need to get together something good. Really good.
Night. Victoria's Secret at 7 a.m.

I don't want to love you,
-Ashley Nichole

ViiiiNDOWS!

I got my windows today!

Going to get curtains. And I swear today I'm going to take a ton of stuff to the Goodwill. I have to. My house is on over load, maybe I'll have a garage sale?!?! Yeahhhhh. (But they're such a pain in the ass. Eh.)

I need film for my camera. For my kitchen wall. I love my house.

And still, I'm not using the air conditioning. My father told me I was crazy. Happens.

If this lady doesn't call me back today about my summer class I'm going to hunt her down. Actually, I'm just going to go up there tomorrow.

I'm not going to admit this, but I'm going to say... I may just have a crush.
Seeee yaaaa.

Love is just... A four letter word,
-Ashley Nichole

Next post is fashion and musik! Promise.

She is I and I is she.

I just had one of THE BEST weekends ever. So random, so interesting, so. much. fun!
Camping, dancing under the stars (for hours upon hours), sunshine on my face, swimming, surfing, made new friends, potato gun fun. Made me think about how life used to be, simple, without everyone being wasted all day every day... ah. I've missed it.
    I don't know how or what lead me into the life I decided to live, but things are going to change. I don't need a lot, I don't need anything really. I have it all, I am blessed.

I need to finish these essays and send in all my info, selflessness is in full force. Peace Corps 2011.

Time for a shower and some tea. I have lake hair.

I went shopping and got a pretty little dress and some pretty awesome vintage shorts.

Courtney made me an egg for breakfast then I got home and had some waffles.

(Mom, I'm stealing your keyboard I need to make some music. You haven't used it...ever.)

I really do... love my life
~Ashley Nichole

A new day.

I used to think this: Not anymore.

I don't mean to close the door,

but for the record my heart is sore.
You blew through me like bullet holes.
You left me broke down begging for change.
Another western vampire,
different time same place.
Rain much deeper than a river,
Sorrow flow through me; tiny waves of shivers.
Corny movies make me reminisce.
They break me down easy on this generic love ship.

-Parts from Cocorosie.

Millionyoung.

Love it. Love his music. Millionyoung, you are good for my soul.
Soft Denial
That is all.

-Ashley Nichole

Karma.

I bought a kitten, her name is Karma. Today, she was being a bitch. Jumped out of my purse and under the car and it took 20 mins to get her. Maybe she won't travel anymore.

State exam today at 3:30. Can't wait to get. it. over. with!

I need to unpack. I think I'll do that this weekend, my liver needs a break.

-Ashley Nichole

Hate.

First all my friends need to follow Chyleina. Welcome her to the blog world. (And that is not something I hate, I will explode here in about 3.7 seconds.....)

ALRIGHT. I really, honestly hate you. Like I said the first time when we were laying in bed and you told me all that shit that just totally broke me. I don't know why this hit me all of a sudden today, but it did. Maybe because I actually thought about calling you and seeing what was up in your life. God, what the hell was I thinking? What was I thinking when I decided to be with you? Why then, all of a sudden did I think I actually needed you in my life? I didn't. But I had just lost the person who loved me no matter what. My grandma was my everything, and with her gone I felt nothing. I was numb. I lost all sense of direction.

You wondered why I never came out to see you until then. You wondered why I would always "flake out". I didn't want to be with you. I didn't have feelings for you like that. I gave you a chance and I knew I was only going to hurt myself. I knew I didn't love you. I loved the thought of you. I got sucked in and fell so hard for you. And I started to believe you....

I thought that the words that you spoke actually had depth. I actually believed everything you said. What fucking sucks the most is I lost you as a "friend". I lost my music partner, I lost the person that could talk to me about life and know where I was coming from. I lost all the good times we had together because I can only think about how fucking bad it sucks for you to have fucked me over like you did. Didn't you know that what you were doing was going to hurt me? Didn't you know I'm not like her and I would NEVER come back? But I know you didn't care what I thought. You didn't think about how you were going to hurt me. Your so fuuny. For being so smart your such an idiot. You are that selfish. And you will end up being that sad. Not like the waahhh I'm a baby sad, (ha) but sad. You'll see. You know I'm a smart girl. Case and point, you never were  my friend. Just like how you taught yourself to erase feelings, I'm teaching myself to make you vanish.

You want to know what hurts me the most? One day when I was really sad crying on the couch you came over to me and said.... "Even if I turn out to be the biggest asshole, you'll be fine without me." You told me I was smart and that I was one of the coolest girls you knew. You knew what you were doing....

I hate you, more than I've ever hated anyone in my life.

And I don't hate people. I'm a humanist, remember?


-Ashley Nichole

And I jumped...

I could of taken the easy way out and moved in with my parents. I could of taken the easy way out and moved in with a friend, but no. I moved into my house. My poor little house that hasn't had any love in it in 21 years. That's when we moved out 21 years ago. That's when my parents decided it was time for something new. And here I am in the house where my parents brought me home from the hospital. Where they were so in love it was sickning. And here I am, little me. On my own, scared as shit, but I'm doing it. I'm growing. I'm remodeling and wiping away the dust. Oh life. I'm thankful for all of it. I'm actually really spoiled in a weird sort of way. It's how you look at life. It's how you think you want your life to be. I think everyday that I'm really lucky. I'm very blessed. And you should too. Take it all in.

LOVE THIS MIX!   Puts me in the best mood.

My feet are dirty. My mind is clean.
I have a test tomorrow, I should be studying.
Instead I'm making soap.
I need to get cupcakes for class tomorrow as well,
I hate most of those bitches in my class they can go to hell.
I'm oh so tired but I know I won't be able to sleep,
Wish my last boyfriend wasn't such a creep.
I love my life, you should love yours too.
Gott'a go, got lots to do

-Ashley Nichole

No Back Burners For THIS Lady...

For the first time, I have no plans.... Except for school.
For the first time, I care about only me.... and the exception of friends and family.
I'm so free. I don't have any lost dogs chasing me around nor am I wasting my time.
There's no one I want to be with right now, except for him. And I haven't even met him yet and I won't be ready for some time even if he came into my life tonight. There are tons of people I've met, TONS. I place different people in different places. Some are kept close and some are kept even further away.

I went to Barnes & Noble the other night and went semi-crazy. Some awesome books and mags for my enjoyment. My little secret indulgence is this book about Alice in Wonderland and all of the hidden meanings and thoughts behind it all. AUHHHMAZING. And a few more about life and what not.

I have cranked out 70 hours of clinicals this week. I AM SO TIRED. And yet I'm not sleeping and I'm never home. And as weird as it may sound I'm pretty sure that's where I get my energy from.

I'll write more tomorrow. I need to drive 30+ mins to get home. BAhhhhhhhh.

-Ashley Nichole