I can breathe now... Well, for a second.

I'm done moving. (For the most part.)
I never really relaized how much stuff I had that I could go without, so with that being said I'm selling a few of my things.
My Coach shoes...
My Tiffany's Braclet...
A bunch of my clothes.
Less is more and I need to help people with nothing. So with the money I get from the shoes and-what-not I'm going to buy toys for Toy's for tots.

I've been slacking on this blogg major.
My grandma was admitted to the E.R. for congestive heart failure,
I moved,
School,
Work,
Clinicals.
You know life and the never ending list of things that happen.
I need to study for the HOBBIT test, for my L.P.N. entrance. It's full of fractions and I hate fractions. Eh!

Alright, time for work!!!

Amen.

So I got my first test back....
90%!!!
Yaaaa snittchesss!!!!

-Ashley Nichole

CRAP!

I swear if I get sick right now, it could be a very very horrible thing. I'm trying to fight it off as we speak, but my body is going under!!! Ehhh.
I can only miss 8 hours of class! That's only 2 days! Anyway...
My mind is full of everything right now but,
It's getting closer and closer to my birthday and Christmas!!!

I need some tea and a seaweed wrap!!!
-Ashley Nichole

What a BOO-tiful night!

Last night...
I, as always was on my best behavior! Courtney and Eric's wedding was a ton of fun!!!
Even though they make me sick...lol, I love them both very much and couldn't be happier for them! They had this candy table... I just sat there and drooled over it all night long. I was in a trance sitting there eatting my rock candy sucker! Ummm!
After the wedding we went and saw Scott. P&L was re-dick-u-lassssss. Not only was I surprised by how crazy busy it was, but I was kinda of disappointed by the lack of slut outfits I saw. NOT! Gawd, put some clothes on. If you want to stand out be original. If I would of seen one more "fire fighter" costume I would of puked!
Apparently my father went to p&l last night as well.... But he went at 8, just to say hi to Scott and see what all the buzz wazzz. Weird, but okay.

This coming Thursday I take 1 of the 3 biggest tests I have before the state exam. Bahhhhhhhhhhh. Hahaha. And after freaking myself out about St. Mary's come to find out it was pretty painless. I went, met the D.O.N. and went on a tour, gave her all my paperwork and off I went. It's split into different types and what not, but it's like night and day between the mentally ill and the "normal" patients. There are codes on every door. (Hope the code isn't very long... I'm pretty little and if some big guy tries to take a bite out of me I'm screwed. I'm horrible with codes. My parents house alarm that I've have to use a trillion times sometimes slips my mind and I have a sweet chat with the police officers telling them know that at one time this was my place of residents and I'm just feeding the dammm dog!)

Another reminder. The boutique's fashion show is November 14th. (Which is a Friday, $20 in advance, $25 at the door and $35 for V.I.P.) I'm also in the night world fashion show for Cali Roberta again. November 8th. Crazy weird theme, as always. Wooohooo.

I've semi put my drinking on hold, but last night was an exception. Needless to say I'm hurting pretty bad today at work. Eh, I just want a cheeseburger and fries. Something horribly bad for me, but tastes oh so good! Thank goodness for my boyyyy friend cause I can't leave work!
Alright enough rambling... I need to pick out things for our web-page and maybe re-style some things around the boutique.
-Ashley Nichole

Enough already.

Today in class my teacher calls on this girl to talk about some meeting she went to. They started to talk about how she's going to be paying for school and what not. The teacher has enough balls to say something like, "Your a white girl who looks like you have money, you parents must of started saving for your college when you were a baby."
I mean really, why'd she have to pull the race card? She's our teacher!
But anyway....
My first huge test is on Thursday next week. For some odd reason we have a clinical on Monday, well I work Monday and that kind of screws up everything for me.
I have to be at St. Mary's @ 4 today as well. Honestly I'm scared. I'm not scared because I think I'll do a bad job but it's unlike anything I've done. Nursing isn't like dressing people, it sure as hell isn't like being a cocktail waitress at a bar. It's unlike anything I've ever done. I think I need to call my mom so she can calm me down cause I'm kind if freaking out about it.

I wish...
I wish on sad day's I had a fairy that could make everything better. I wish that money didn't matter and people were always nice to each other.
I wish that one day I'll figure it all out, maybe it's tomorrow, maybe it's a few years from now. I wish that children never got sick and never had to hurt.
I wish people didn't get divorced, that they stayed married forever. I wish I knew what forever was.
-Ashley Nichole

The life of a pre-med....

So ummm... class today flew by. Holy shit. The teacher talked so fast I thought I was in a movie and someone pressed fast-forward.
So I'm at home now re-reading everything and doing some h.w.

It's nice outside. Nice enough for my neighbors to be working on their roof dropping nails in our driveway! And nice enough I have my curtains open and the mexican roofers are creeping on me. Isn't life just grand!!!

We're getting a workout room in our house! I'm going to be fit as a potato chip!
I need to tan for Eric and Corts wedding. I also need to get my TB test papers from the Dr. for St. Mary's because there is no way in hell I'm getting those shots again. Eh.

Alright well if Gabby will stop crying I'll start with figuring out why the letter "c" means "with" and the letter "p" means "after".
Lord have mercy on my soul.
-Ashley Nichole

Water.

I need to drink more water. After being upset like this I think I have no liquid in my body. I mean I haven't gone pee in 24 hours. I don't think that's such a good thing.
A good thing: Work has gone by pretty fast today.
Another good thing: I'm going to be okay.
I stayed at my mom's house last night. She made me dinner. Having your mom cook for you when your used to your own "cooking skills" or eating out all the time is such a calming thing. After all the pep talks from my friends and family I feel a lot better.
There's no way to change yourself unless you take the steps you feel necessary. If it's meant to be it will happen. I used to think that making someone jealous would make me feel better. In all reality if someone does that to you, know that your better than that. They're hurting inside and they want to make you hurt too. That goes along with hurtful words as well.

So the steps of my soul searching look something like this:
I can't waste my time with people that do not matter.
If people are going to try and bring me down, it won't happen!
Be who I am and realize that not everyone is going to like me.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PERFECTION.
Put myself in other peoples shoes.
ERASE MY-FUCKING-MYSPACE.
I can't worry so much.... It causes ulcers.
There are no back burners!
Learn to breathe.
Umm ya, sounds like a start. Even though I know these things, they need work.

I tried to cutting off the space. And speaking of space. Look for my add in KC Spaces Magazine! (Boarders, Barnes and Noble.) Hahahaha.

I've got to do some serious studying tonight. In a weird way I'm kind of excited about it. Probably because I know it's the next step to getting my life closer to where I want it.
-Ashley Nichole

There' s no such thing as fairy tales, I know first hand.

There once was a girl who lost her way. She was out all the time just getting wasted, didn't really care where her life was going. She worked at a bar to pay her bills, cleaning up all the drinks that the drunks spilled. She met a boy who took her out of that scene or as though it seemed. Everything was great, she didn't have a care in the world. School didn't matter nor did work. She had him and that's all that mattered. Days turned into months and as months turned into years she started to see that this life wasn't going in the direction that she wanted. She started to turn her life around working her ass off and went back to school. She knew what she wanted, she knew what she had to do she just didn't have the courage to end it, she didn't know what to do. "Love is all that matters, that's all you need. If we have that we can make it through anything." He told her. He told her never to worry that she was the only one, but that wasn't enough she couldn't get it through her little head. She knew what he told her was true, but for some reason she couldn't get out of this funk, she couldn't stop feeling so blue. So one night when she was super sad and couldn't take it anymore she knew that last night was the last time she'd walk through his door. She couldn't take him getting wasted every weekend. She couldn't get over his past with drugs and always thought he'd go back to that.
So this little girl that was starting to become a young lady did what she had to do, call it shady. Everyone could see it, everyone knew, everybody but those two.
She didn't know where her life would go after they split, but she was doing something she knew was legit. She still loved him and wished she could be there for him when he did great things, because she knew he would. She just couldn't live how she was. It wasn't for her, it was for someone who could love him better. For someone less bratty.
For the girl who wants to take my place I wish you the best of luck, it's not all that easy. You have some pretty big shoes to fill.


It's over. The scary thing about that, when you still love someone it makes it that much harder. It makes it that much harder to know that the person is going to hate you now because of the decision you had to make. Something inside was eating away at me. As much as I tried to be happy, it wasn't there. Love can only take you so far before other things have to kick in and play other important parts.

All I know is that I have a lot on my plate and now is not the time to get down and out. So as we all know I won't be at Mosaic. If you want to find me I'll be in my room, in the library or at school with my nose stuck in a book. Pretty sure that it's not a bad thing, I'm making good changes for my life. Call me what you want because your not going to break me. It's only time holding me back from being something great now. As soon as this first part of school is over I'm planning on traveling. I want to get out of the mid-west. Move somewhere that's warm for the majority of the time. My little body hates the cold.

I'm going to the store today. I need to get back into cooking. I absolutely have to stay healthy for my job, for school and for my own sanity. I hate being sick, almost as much as I hate being unhappy.

I'm going to keep my head up and know that I have friends and family to support me in all that I do. Know this is as hard for me as it is for you.

The End.

My mind is like a stew pot, a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

Have you ever found yourself thinking about the future and you step back for a second and see that not everyone you wished there were actually not there and some people you never thought would be there are right by your side supporting you 110%. I never thought once in my life that it would take this long to get the ball rolling. When I was younger my dad sat my sister and I down and made us write a list of goals we’d like at accomplish in the future. Mine looked a little something like this:

Own my own home and have a great job by 21.
Go out of the country.
Have 2 children by 25.
Save a trillion dollars.
Save the whales. (We must have been studying about those in school.)
Collect hundreds of glass rabbits. (Glass rabbits?? Really??? I liked those?)

Now, I laugh at a few of those. I must say if I would of bought a house when I was 21 it would have been repossessed. Even though it was only almost 2 years ago, 2 years makes a hell of a difference. I’m not too worried about being married by the age of 25. I guess I was in some sort of rush to grow up when I was younger. Now, now I’d just like to enjoy each and every day.

On another note, I don’t get laziness. My whole life I’d had to work for everything and I actually didn’t mind doing it. (Except for when my dad would make my pick up sticks and said he’d pay me a penny a stick. I leaned that sometimes you have to bend the rules a little. I broke all my stick in half. I mean really, a penny a stick? I guess I understand we did live back in the woods.) For example the ton of homeless people I see everyday on my way to school or when I’m out and they’re asking for change when I’m leaving the bar. Some of those people really should get a job. Or some should just stop bothering me because I’m pretty sure they have more $$$ than I do! But laziness on a different level is what really gets under my skin. My parents own rental homes. I used to have to go in there and clean up after people when they’d move out. I honestly don’t know how some of those people lived how they did. I guess what I’m getting at is don’t be afraid to clean up after yourself. If you don’t have time, make time. Don’t live like a clown in a freak show. I hate clowns!!!

I had my first two nursing tests today. The first one, A+, this last one I just took… Well, we’ll see about that one when I go back to class after lunch. I think I may have skipped a page or two while reading last night! Eh.

Well, I guess that’s all the ramblings I have for today. Maybe not though, we’ll see...

I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon....

It seems like now days everyone has a blog. I thought I'd start one as well. I like writing and maybe, just maybe there is some random person that I can relate to.

As of now I feel like life is just flying by. I'm just holding on to the seat of my pants.
Nursing school has started and there are a TON of things to learn.
We have an up and coming fashion show, which feels like no one knows anything about. It's rather frustrating. When I do something I want to do it to the best of my ability and if I don't know what's going on then how in the hell am I supposed to do my job?!?!

It seems as if it will rain now for a good week. Great Mid-Westerners weather huh?

On a better note, I'm rather excited on where my life is right now. One step at a time, pay the bills, buy the latest fashion and hope I don't starve.